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Markus, 54
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Markus, 54

It’s been eight or nine years since my last episode. I guess you could say I’ve recovered, although it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

I remember first having problems when I was a teenager at school. Life wasn’t great for anyone in my family back then but, instead of talking about it, I took my frustrations out on other people. The only thing I cared about was this soft toy dog I kept at the bottom of my bed. I called him Milo and I used to tell him everything. He was my rock.

Despite my terrible behaviour I still managed to get into college. That’s when things started to get worse. Instead of lashing out, I locked myself away. I felt hopeless. Like I wasn’t good at anything at all.

Being depressed felt like torture. I was surrounded by constant dread and worry about almost everything, and treatment that didn’t seem to work. Alone in a hole and utterly heart broken. That was me for weeks and weeks at a time and, honestly, you start to believe there’s no hope.

I didn’t have many close friends but a couple of them were very supportive. Well, as supportive as they could have been with me in such a state all the time. They accompanied me to the psychiatrist who eventually diagnosed major depressive disorder. In a way, I felt lifted. My constant companion had a name. Something I could grab on to and try to understand.

My depression no longer defines me, but it’s still very much a part of my life. I know how to feel it coming and, when it does, I have people who love me and care about me. They are literally life savers and I can’t imagine where I would be without them. It’s taken a long time to get here, but I’m here.

Milo is still with me too. He’s a good listener, but I’m sure he looks at me funny sometimes. I guess I can live with that.


References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. What is IBD? Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/ibd/what-is-ibd.htm.
The IBS Network. What is IBD? Available at: https://www.theibsnetwork.org/have-i-got-ibs/what-is-ibs/.
Crohn’s & Colitis UK. Crohn’s Disease. Available at: https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/about-inflammatory-bowel-disease/crohns-disease.
Crohn’s & Colitis UK. Ulcerative Crohn’s. Available at: https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/about-inflammatory-bowel-disease/ulcerative-colitis.
Ng SC, et al. Lancet. 2017;390(10114):2769–78
Crohn’s & Colitis UK. About Inflammatory Bowel Disease - What are the Symptoms. Available at: https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/about-inflammatory-bowel-disease/what-are-the-symptoms.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Epidemiology of the IBD. Available at: https://www.cdc.gov/ibd/IBD-epidemiology.htm.